You are Unique!
“People are different from each other … no amount of getting after them is going to change them, nor is there any reason to change them, because the differences are probably good.” – David Keirsey (Please Understand Me, 1998).
See this example: The Anderson’s have two sons: Josh, age 11, and Ryan, 9. Both boys are bright, achieve well in school, are involved in sports, and have many friends. Yet their parents wonder how two boys in the same family could be so different. Josh moves at a slow pace, is easy going, adaptable, and “laid back,” while Ryan is energetic, intense, quick responding, and races through life at top speed. Josh fits his parents’ lifestyle well, but they are puzzled and frequently upset and irritated by Ryan’s high activity and intensity, and find his behaviour intrusive and disruptive. The differences in behaviour between the two boys reflect individual characteristics of temperament, and these differences are powerful contributors to the ups and downs of everyday life in the Anderson household. – Barbara Keogh (2003).
Note: Do not assume that the friction in your family is as a result of your child(ren) having one “devil” or “evil spirit” in him or her(them). It could be due to his or her(their) temperament – and yours too!
This goes to show that God made every human being unique in his way. That is why in Jeremiah 1:5, He said “Before I formed thee in the belly, I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee” (KJV). David also said in Psalm 139: 14a “I will praise thee: for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (KJV).
In Genesis 25:27 the Bible said, “As the boys grew up, Esau became a skillful hunter. He was an outdoorsman, but Jacob had a quiet temperament, preferring to stay at home.”
One of the most reliable means of learning to know oneself is the study of temperaments, according to Socrates, one of the most renowned of the Greek Sages. If a man is fully cognisant of his temperament, he can easily learn to direct and control himself and if he is able to discern the temperament of others, he can understand them better, and help them.
Knowledge of the temperament of any person supplies answers to the following questions;
How does this person comport himself? How does he feel moved to action whenever something impresses or annoys him strongly? How does he react, when he is praised or rebuked, when he is offended, when he feels sympathy for or hatred against somebody? To use another example, how does he react if in a storm, or in a dark forest, or on a dark night when the thought of imminent danger comes to him?
On such occasions one may ask the following questions:
Is the person under the influence of such impressions, thoughts or facts, quickly and vehemently excited, or slowly and superficially?
Does the person under such influences feel inclined to act at once, quickly, in order to oppose the impression: or does he feel more inclined to remain calm and wait?
Does the excitement of the soul last for a long time or only for a moment? Does the impression continue, so that at the recollection of such impression the excitement is renewed? Or does he conquer such excitement speedily and easily so that the remembrance of it does not produce a new excitement? The answers to these questions directs us to the four temperaments and furnish the key for the understanding of the temperament of each individual.
If we consider the reaction of various persons to the same experience, we will find out that it is different in every one of them; it may be quick and lasting, or slow but lasting or it may be quick but of short duration, or slow and of short duration. This manner of reaction, or the different degrees of excitability, is what we call “Temperament.” The most difficult thing to deal with in life is a relationship that is not running smoothly. It is easier to have your house burn down or lose all your belongings in a flood than go through struggles with people. Some people can even resort to physical violence.
Typical example: Cain and Abel;
“But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and His countenance fell. And the Lord said unto Cain, why art thou wroth? And why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well, shall thou not be accepted? And if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire; and thou shall rule over him. And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him. And the Lord said unto Cain, where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: am I my Brother’s keeper? (Gen. 4:5-9 KJV).
I want to believe that Cain and Abel had words with each other while standing in the field, and I think maybe that the discussion got out of hand. Cain had been holding in a great deal of jealousy, bitterness, and hurt and he finally let it out. I guess that in the process of Cain dumping his feelings, Abel did not appreciate it. He probably said something defensive or unkind back to Cain and it was likely in the heat of this argument that Cain struck out in rage and killed his brother.
Jesus, for example, didn’t exhibit weaknesses of any of the temperaments, but demonstrated the strengths of all four temperaments. He was truly the perfect person. How?
With children, he was the sanguine: lively and fun.
His ability to teach effectively, especially with parables, shows his strength in organization and attention to all just like the melancholy.
He was most like the phlegmatic when he was able to sleep in a boat when the disciples thought the boat would be tossed over in a storm.
Finally, he operated as a choleric when he confidently and forcefully threw the moneychangers out of the temple. He took quick action and wasn’t afraid of anyone.
Finding our own temperament, we can become discouraged about our shortcoming, but Tim Lahaye reminds us in his book, “The Spirit-Controlled Temperament” that the Holy Spirit filled temperament does not have weaknesses; instead it has nine strengths – the fruit of the spirit! Jesus Christ is our example, the one we should look up to as the perfect personality because the perfect characteristics of each temperament were shown in Him. No matter your natural temperament, the Spirit gives us strength for every weakness.
The greatest error, today, is to believe that those of one temperament should seek to develop the characteristics of another. The true challenge is to accept the beauty of one’s own nature, and rely on God and divine providence to assist one in emphasizing one’s unique inclinations towards virtue and keep one from the dangers towards which one’s weaknesses would make one inclined.
…And, of course, if the awareness of temperament keeps those of one temperament from total imitation of those of another, that, too, has its uses!
Who do you think you are?
In order to determine one’s temperament, it is unwise to study the bright or dark sides of each temperament and to apply them to oneself; one should first and foremost try to answer the three questions listed below;
Do I react immediately and vehemently or slowly and superficially to a strong impression made upon me?
Am I inclined to act at once or to remain calm and to wait?
Does the excitement last for a long time or only for a short while?
Another very practical way to determine one’s temperament is by asking these questions; can I forgive when offended? Do I bear grudges and resent insults?
If one should answer: usually I cannot forget insults, I brood over them; to think of them excites me anew; I can bear a grudge for a long time, several days, nay, weeks. If somebody offends me, I try to evade those who have offended me, refuse to speak to them, etc; then one is either of choleric or melancholy temperament.
If on the contrary the answer is: I do not harbour ill-will; I cannot be angry with anybody for a long time. I forget even actual insults very soon; sometimes I decide to show anger, but I cannot do so, at least not for a long time, maybe an hour or two – then one is either of sanguine or phlegmatic temperament.
After recognizing that the temperament one belongs to is either choleric or melancholic, the following questions should also be answered;
Am I quickly excited at offences?
Do I manifest my resentment by words or action?
Do I feel inclined to oppose an insult immediately and retaliate?
Or, do I at offences received remain calm outwardly in spite of internal excitement?
Am I frightened by offences; disturbed, despondent, so that I do not find the right words nor the courage for a reply, and therefore, remain silent?
Does it happen repeatedly that I hardly feel the offense at the moment when I receive it, but a few hours later, or even the following day, feel it so much more keenly?
In the first case, the person is choleric; in the second, melancholy.
After ascertaining that the temperament one belongs to is either sanguine or phlegmatic, one must inquire further:
Am I suddenly inflamed with anger at offences received, do I feel inclined to flare up and to act rashly?
Or, do I remain quiet, indifferent?
Am I not easily swayed by my feelings?
In the first case, the person is sanguine, in the second, phlegmatic.
It is very important and necessary to determine first of all, one’s basic temperament by answering the questions above. Only then can self-knowledge be deepened to a full realization of how far the various light and dark sides of one’s temperament are developed, and of modifications and variations one’s predominant temperament may have undergone by mixing with another temperament.
Greater difficulties, however, arise in discovering the temperament in the following instances:
1. A person is habitually given to sin. In such cases the sinful passion influences man more than the temperament. For instance, a sanguine, who by nature is very much inclined to live in peace and harmony with others can become very annoying and cause great trouble by giving way to envy and anger.
2. A person has progressed very far on the path of perfection. In such cases the dark sides of the temperament, as they manifest themselves usually, in ordinary persons, can hardly be noticed at all.
3. A person has only a slight knowledge of himself. He neither recognizes his good or evil disposition, nor does he understand the intensity of his own evil inclinations and the degree of his excitability; consequently, he will not have a clear idea of his temperament. If anyone tries to assist him to know himself by questioning him, he gives false answers, not intentionally, but simply because he does not know himself.
4. A person is very nervous. With such persons the signs of nervousness, as restlessness, irritability, inconstancy of humor and resolution, the inclination to melancholy and discouragement, manifest themselves so forcibly that the symptoms of temperament are more or less obscured. It is especially difficult to discern the temperament of hysterical persons, if the hysterical character is already fully developed.
To be continued…
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